Keith McNally on Regret and Recover in His New Memoir

The New York Times once called Keith McNally the “Restaurateur Who Invented Downtown”—but the Balthazar founder is so much more than that. And he detests the word “restaurateur.” McNally got his start in 1975 bussing tables in Manhattan at Serendipity and shucking oysters at One Fifth. Five years later, he founded The Odeon, the first of his iconic collection of restaurants that defined the downtown scene. He’s also a director whose debut thriller premiered at Cannes in 1990, a former West End actor who performed in Alan Bennett’s “Forty Years On,” a father of five, and a newly-minted social media star.

But McNally’s new memoir, I Regret Almost Everything is anything but the highlight reel. On the page, McNally is much more comfortable in recounting his failures and regrets, and sharing good gossip. His storied career and permanent fixture on the scene means the man has stories. And his tales are just as dishy as the plates at Pastis. He reveals his years-long affair with Bennett, hints that he had another affair with a Hollywood starlet he refers to as “X,” and confesses that he regrets calling James Corden a “tiny cretin of a man” after the actor behaved badly during a brunch at Balthazar.

But the bulk of the book is about recovery. In 2018, two years after suffering a debilitating stroke that limited his mobility and ability to speak, McNally went to his bedroom, locked the door, and swallowed a handful of sleeping pills he had been stockpiling for weeks while on vacation with his family in Martha’s Vineyard. He woke up in a hospital hours later, having been discovered by his son George through a window.

In the seven years since, McNally navigated recovery and weathered the pandemic and its devastating impact on the restaurant industry. He reopened Pastis in 2019, closed Lucky Strike and Augustine in 2020, and opened a Minetta Tavern outpost in Washington D.C. last year. He joined Instagram in 2020, becoming a bit of a digital rabble rouser in the process. He also wrote this book, citing it as his “reason” to live after surviving his suicide attempt.

Here, he talks to TIME via email about his life in the last decade, making mistakes and learning from them, and his provocative approach to Instagram.

From the East End of London to Istanbul to Cannes to Soho, your life has been so full and busy. How did you write this memoir?

Traveling to many places doesn’t, by itself, make a full life. Sometimes the opposite. A friend I admire once said, ‘Travel narrows the mind.’ I believe that’s often the case.

In 2016 I suffered a stroke that wrecked my voice and left my right side paralyzed. Nine months of physical therapy did little to improve things. Soon afterwards, feeling massively depressed, I tried to commit suicide. Sent to a psychiatric hospital for nine weeks, I was desperate for a reason to live. Writing this book became that reason.

Did you consult journals, or old mementos?

Luckily, I’ve always been a compulsive note-taker. Surprisingly, these notes didn’t help much.

What was that process like?

Ninety percent frustrating, ten percent euphoric.

What was the riskiest part of the book?

Not losing it. Because I never learned to use Microsoft Word, I stupidly wrote every chapter on Gmail and about once a month would lose an entire page. I wrote for six years in dire fear of losing the whole book.

What does your family think of your memoir?

My two oldest daughters, Sophie and Isabelle, talk to me about it. My other three kids, although they seem to like it, are not so keen to talk about it. Which is probably healthy. Neither my brother or sister have talked about it, but that’s okay. It could be worse. Alina, my second wife, who’s mentioned a fair bit in the book, will probably sue me after she’s read it. In my next book I’m going to only write about dead people.

Did anyone get to read it ahead of print?

At times, I showed chapters to certain friends. But it was really stressful. I’d email them two chapters at 10 in the morning and if they didn’t call me by 10:15 I’d want to throttle them.

In 2017 “Ava Meadows” wrongfully sued you for sexual harassment. Why did you choose to open up about this lawsuit?

Because by not talking about a false accusation one emboldens both the lie and the accuser.

You write about feeling such a strong sense of shame after your stroke. How have you overcome that?

Not entirely, I’m afraid.

You also write so freely about “wrong instincts” and deals gone bad. Why is it important to you to be frank and have a sense of humor about your mistakes?

I hate the phrase ‘trust your instinct.’ Instinct isn’t always right, and what is instinct anyway? If it’s the opposite of reason and logic then it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Surely it’s more important to question the things we take for granted than the things we don’t. Who says experts are always right? Who says only weak people change their mind?

Just as not knowing is, on occasion, more important than knowing, having convictions are not necessarily a sign of a strong character.

I can’t bear people who say they don’t regret a thing. Making mistakes is a big part of life. Not learning from mistakes is also part of life. People who say they never f-ck up, usually f-ck up more the most. Look at Donald Trump.

You write that in the Western world, health is more often than not a business. Can you talk about the importance of accessible healthcare, especially in the aftermath of the pandemic.

Having access to good free healthcare should be the inalienable right of everyone on the planet.

Have celebrities been on better behavior since the James Corden incident?

In my restaurants, certainly!

What is the secret to Instagram?

Five years ago I didn’t know what Instagram was. I still don’t know how to make a ‘story’ on Instagram. Ninety percent of all posts are bullshit. Perhaps that’s why con artists like myself thrive on it.

Tell us about the tradition of posting notes from restaurant patrons who write to you on postcards? How did this get started? How can someone get their note on your Instagram?

I’ve no idea how or why it started. It began about a month after I started posting on Instagram. Most customers write compliments on the postcards. Sadly, insults are more interesting than compliments and I’m far more likely to post an insulting card than a complimentary one. But the comment must be legible and more importantly, witty.

What was the most unreliable part of Graydon Carter’s memoir?

That was just a joke. I really liked Graydon’s memoir. Especially the early chapters before he becomes successful.

Who are you planning on voting for in the primary mayoral election?

Not certain, but probably former governor, Andrew Cuomo.

What’s the best time for a dinner reservation?

When you’re in love.

What’s the future of outdoor dining?