Matches offer a clear metric of success and an immediate burst of validation, even when neither person intends to begin a conversation. Because they arrive unpredictably, they can operate as intermittent rewards: each disappointing swipe carries the possibility that the next one will produce a match.
That uncertainty keeps us returning. But it can also separate the immediate reward of receiving a match from the longer-term goal of forming a relationship.
I see this every time I open dating apps. Yesterday, I matched with 12 men. Only two messaged me. The others remain in dating app purgatory, neither rejected nor pursued. When I message…
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