When you catch yourself using one, don’t stop there. Ask: “What does stressed mean right now?” Maybe you’re anxious because you’re underprepared for a presentation, frustrated that your co-worker isn’t helping, or afraid you’ll disappoint your boss. Those emotions aren’t interchangeable, even though they’ve all been crammed into the same word.
If you draw a blank, Kraiem recommends opening the Hoffman Institute’s free online Feelings and Sensations list, which groups more than 100 options under broad headings like anger, fear, sadness, and stress. “It actually does the differentiation for you,” he says. Start with the category that comes closest to how you feel, then scan the words beneath it: stressed, for example, branches into anxious, frazzled, rattled, weary, and worn out.
Kraiem uses the list with patients, but he also pulls it up himself after a conflict with his wife or when work or parenting leaves him stressed. “There are times when I’m feeling stuck, and that’s when I pull out this list,” he says. With practice, you may need the list less often and eventually make those distinctions “on the fly.”
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