There’s a bonus effect, too. When the exercise reminds people what a relationship is worth, they tend to act on it by giving a compliment, a thank-you, or some other small gesture. The other person often responds in kind, which makes you more likely to keep up the gratitude. “It can be a domino effect,” Zarrabi says.
How to do it in 60 seconds
Mental subtraction doesn’t require an app, journal, or a special setting—just one minute and a little imagination. Here’s how to put it into practice.
Catch yourself complaining
The easiest entry point is a gripe you’re already having: the partner who never does the dishes, the boss who’s always late, the dog that chewed through yet another pair of shoes. Or simply choose one person, relationship, or stroke of luck that matters to you. Stewart once worked with a man who couldn’t stand his job, so she had him picture losing it: not just the paycheck, but the free underground parking (a rarity in Los Angeles), the deep breath he took before his daily Starbucks run, the catered lunch every Friday. “You watch them have the transformation of, ‘I hate my job, I hate it,’ to, ‘All right, it doesn’t suck,'” she says.
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